Number of the Beast

Sadly, the most interesting discovery during woods walking is human garbage. Can you believe this can of beast?? It looks respectable. Unlike the silly non-art can of today. I think Milwaukee could generate more profits amongst today’s conscientious youth with a sentimental design like this. Conjuring images of horses with weathered drivers, pushing on in the Wisconsin rain, the wagon spokes spitting mud onto the barrels of expertly brewed beer. It would encourage reminiscing of harder times, when the working man just needs to saddle up to the tavern for the small comfort that’s in a pint. Oh wait, the working man still does do that. Which is why an effective graphic like this could remind you that you are just like your great grandfathers, and that’s OK, because they were honest men.

Loafass Love

This is not a review! This is true love! (At last!) Let’s talk about Loafass, the greatest band in all the land. Remember when you used to get excited about going to shows and actually looked forward to seeing local bands on a regular basis? Maybe I’m retroactively glamorizing the excitement of being young at a fucking MoneyBagsGram show-- and if you get that reference, you’re so Binghamton, good for you! And if you missed Burn the Arsonist, you didn’t have a childhood. I’m sorry. I just wanted to see how that sentence looked on screen. And I LOLed so I’m keeping it.

Now imagine that the same enthusiasm can be reanimated in your brain if only you could see Loafass: Filthadelphia PhunkPunkRock! I remember reading in Dance of Days about kids crying at Rites of Spring shows because they were so overwhelmed by how much the band affected their lives. And I think I could cry at Loafass, because everything is so good; it’s the most joyous marriage of anarchic force and not giving a fuck.

“When I get home, I want a cold, cold beer”. That’s not a convoluted concept. It speaks to the people. I think many people wish they were more proactive, but most of the time, I just want to drink a lot and do drugs-- and that’s what I call “Victory”! Not in a miserable, pathetic Bukowski sense of being a wasteoid, but in a ‘let’s put all bullshit aside and have some fucking fun’!Sometimes you just wake up, and you’re having a Big Dick Day.

I also admire the legitimacy of adding a Minor Threat cover to the album OBOY, which is most excellent. And musically, Enforcer is like a really sick intro to the song Straight to LA. They go together like Led Zeppelin’s Heartbreaker and Living Loving Maid.

Perhaps Teabaggin’ is the most accomplished song in the Loafass canon. In the least misogynistic way possible Fish explains: “Then you wake up and you hope it ain’t true—look out girl, I just teabagged you!”. If you’d like to see the proof of my devotion, go to Loafass on MySpace and notice that someone is wearing a real DIY shirt, in devotion to the song and to the band--- and that hopeless loser is ME!

But really. Seeing Loafass and watching everyone singing and having good old fashioned fun is great. And I love the crassness of lead singer Fish and his brilliant sarcastic facial expressions plus spitting beer all over the crowd. I’m in love.