Saturday, December 3, 2011

Top 5 Figures of Speech/Words That Are Hideously Overused

People have always had a tendency to latch on to certain phrases or words throughout time. What grinds my gears the most is how these words are used inappropriately and also how every single person acts like they're the only ones who say them. EVERYONE says this shit and they are incorrect.

5. "Awkward"

At every natural pause in conversation, there is some douche who will fill that space with "awkwaaaaarrrdd". I don't feel awkward. You're the one who's now made the situation strained. People do not have to constantly be talking. And just because there's silence, that does not mean that anyone truly feels awkward. What you mean to say is "I personally feel uncomfortable right now and cannot further contribute to the discussion, so I'm going to take the cheapest shot at a laugh possible because I have low self-esteem". Fuck those people!
Also totally unnecessary and grating:

"Well that was awkward"
"This is awkward but".....
"Awkward moment"

4. "Random"

I hate the use of this word. Almost nothing is random. "Oh, she's so random". What you mean to say is spontaneous.
Situations. For example: "That was so random". No, idiot. It wasn't. It was unexpected.
People and situations are not random.

3. "Not gonna lie".

Who the fuck started this one? Adding this phrase to the end of every sentence, whether it makes sense or not--I don't get it.

"I'm pretty hungry. Not gonna lie".

Well, why the fuck WOULD you lie about something like that?

See? People say it after the most trivial and mundane comments.
Please, please let this one die out quickly.

2. "Epic" or "Epic Fail".

What on earth makes this guy at work an "epic fail"?

Your coffee this morning was not epic. Your experience at the bar last night was not epic. It certainly wasn't epiiiiiiiiiiiiic.
I swear to God, every time someone drops something these days---what's the first thing they say? "EPIC FAIL". Or, it's bastardized version, "FAIL". It is not a failure, son, it's gravity. It is an accident. It is a mistake. I can guarantee you that nothing in your life is epic. Nothing you have ever done or ever will do is epic. Epic is "heroic and impressive in quality".

Lucifer got kicked out of heaven and fell to earth. That was epic. That was an "epic fail".

Hell, it was an epic fall.

And finally.........

1. "Nom Noms" or "Nom, nom, nom".

For some hideous reason, a person put words to the experience of eating something that they enjoy or tastes good. For some hideous reason "This tastes good" is not good enough. We must all be subjected to the baby-talk version. People that make noise whilst they're eating grosses everyone out. And yet now there are words to accompany it. This disgusting word is a verb, noun and adjective now. SHUT UP.